Part 5: Mark’s Last Defense of Me
Mark appeared on the screen.
He looked thinner than the man living in my memory.
His face was pale. His shoulders seemed smaller.
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
Then he spoke.
“If you turned this on because you miss me, shut it off.”
I covered my mouth.
A laugh escaped through my tears.
“You don’t get to boss me around anymore.”
On the video, Mark shifted in his chair.
“I mean it, Sal.”
Then his expression changed.
“My mom asked me not to donate.”
I leaned closer.
“She’s asked more than once. And eventually she started asking whether this was really my decision… or yours.”
My stomach tightened.
“I told her the decision was mine.”
He dragged his hands slowly over his face.
“She hates the idea that strangers might receive something from me after I’m gone. I understand that. I really do.”
He paused.
“But grief doesn’t give anyone permission to turn you into the villain.”
My breath caught.
Mark looked straight into the camera.
“Don’t protect me by letting her hurt you.”
Tears began sliding down my face.
“And don’t let Cecelia grow up hearing that her father was too confused or too weak to make his own choices.”
I hit pause.
The room went silent.
“You knew.”
My voice sounded strange.
I stood.
“You knew this might happen.”
Anger rose through the grief.
“And you didn’t tell me.”
I pressed both hands over my belly.
“I was your wife, Mark. You didn’t have to protect me from everything.”
It was the first time I had been angry with him since he died.
The anger frightened me.
It also felt necessary.
Because grief had been turning Mark into something flawless.
And the truth was, he had still been my husband.
Stubborn.
Protective.
Occasionally infuriating.
Even at the end.
Two days later, Violet came over carrying an embroidered baby blanket.
“I’ve been thinking,” she said. “Cecelia should carry Mark’s name somehow.”
I stared at her.
“We already chose her name.”
“She should have something from her father.”
“She has a father. She doesn’t need his name attached to hers to prove that.”
Violet looked toward my stomach.
“Mark told me he was reconsidering.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“You weren’t part of every conversation between us.”
“And you weren’t part of every conversation between Mark and me.”
Her expression sharpened.
“He kept things from you too.”
That hurt.
Because it was true.
But truth used as a weapon was still a weapon.
“Mark and I chose Cecelia’s name together.”
“Sally—”
“Go home.”
She blinked.
“What?”
“I said go home.”
Her face changed.
“You’ve questioned whether Mark knew what he was doing. You’ve let other people question whether I manipulated him. And now you’re trying to rewrite what he wanted for our daughter.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“I lost my son.”
“I know.”
“You have no idea what that feels like.”
“No. I don’t.”
I stepped closer.
“But you don’t know what it feels like to bury my husband while carrying the daughter he will never meet.”
Violet fell silent.
“We are allowed to hurt differently,” I said. “But we are not allowed to destroy each other because of it.”
She left.
And for the first time, I stopped feeling guilty for setting a boundary.
